Li Meijin: how to cultivate children with happy, warm and sound personality? (good text in depth)

Li Meijin: how to cultivate children with happy, warm and sound personality? (good text in depth)

Beautiful morning light, accompany you to read.

children before 3 years old need attachment, and parents should meet their physical needs in time;

children aged 3-12 need rules, and parents should firmly say "no" to them.

Adolescent children need the right to choose, and parents should patiently regard them as friends.

Professor Li Meijin, a famous expert in criminal psychology and juvenile psychology, through contact with a large number of cases, after years of investigation and practice, it is found that

people's behavior and psychology in adulthood is a manifestation and reflection of past experience, which is closely related to the family rearing style in childhood. "what you have in your eyes, you have in your heart."

parents can't help but be anxious. How can they make their children's eyes full of happiness and warmth?

Professor Li Meijin gave specific and feasible methods for the upbringing of children at different stages.


0-3 years old emotional upbringing

0-3 years old is the period of the establishment of one-to-one attachment relationship between children and their families, which accumulates until 12 years old.

attachment is the origin of emotion. When a child forms an attachment relationship with someone, he will feel happy when he is with the attachment object; when he is sad, the child will feel comforted only with the appearance of the attachment object.

when the attachment is satisfied, it will be very happy and relaxed, and when people are in a relaxed state, they will be very happy to look at the outside world.

in real life, Li Meijin often encounters such a sad case:

how to establish attachment?

"mothers should be given 3 years of maternity leave, which is conducive to the cultivation of correct attachment relationships between infants and young children." In public, Professor Li Meijin made such a public appeal more than once.

the "crying immunity", which originated in the United States, was once popular all over the world, and young Chinese parents also sought after it-- the baby can't be picked up immediately when crying, which helps to cultivate the good habit of sleeping independently and avoid the habit of crying.

Professor Li Meijin disagrees with this view.

she said that during the period of inability to eat, drink, sleep and sleep, children can only express their pain by crying. At this time, parents should immediately pick up their children and comfort them.

for children who have been crying for a long time without appeasement, the autonomic nervous system of their internal organs will form over-tense memories, affecting the child's temperament.

for example, there are many "Lu Nu clans" and "keyboard warriors" in life, but they do not realize that their hot temper is precisely due to the extensive upbringing of their parents, and their various physiological needs have not been met within the age of one year.

feed the child in your arms, the smell of the nursery will make the child feel warm, and the food and familiar smell will make the child feel comfortable and happy, which is conducive to the establishment of the attachment relationship.


3-12 years old character upbringing

Love is a kind of nutrition, but not all. From the age of 3, children gradually have the ability to understand and express, which is the key period for children to "set rules".

at the age of three, parents should learn to say "no" to their children;

at the age of four, parents should teach their children to wait and exercise self-discipline;

at the age of five, parents should teach their children how to manage themselves in temptation training and demonstrate how to share with others.

at the age of six, children should learn to bear hardships and stand hard work in sports.

around the age of 3, the crying of a child is no longer a physical need, but a psychological need.

so how to stop the child from crying unreasonably?

it's no use crying

for example, children cry at home because they can't get a cell phone and can't watch cartoons.

what parents should do at this time is to carry the child into the bedroom and watch the child cry with a smile.

until the child is tired of crying, parents can get up and leave to get a hot towel to wipe the child's face and let the child feel love for him.

when the child's mood stabilizes, parents will calmly reason with the child: "if mom wants to see her cell phone, dad won't give it to mom, mom will cry like you just did, okay?" You have grown up, what needs can be said, crying is not the solution to the problem.

in the face of their children's educational problems, Li Meijin reminded parents that they should especially achieve the "four noes" when educating their children:

do not scold the child, do not hit the child, do not reason with the crying child; do not leave the child.

"for crying children, the truth of parents is like a noise in their ears;

similarly, leaving the child alone in the room for reflection is tantamount to confinement and has no educational significance at all."

many parents reflect that "their children do not like to study in high school, they can not sit still in class, and look around, which affects their academic performance."

Li Meijin found that most of the inattentive children grew up with grandparents and other grandparents.

this is because there is no rhythm and regularity in the life of the elderly. "once in a while, give the child a sweet potato and take the child to visit the neighbor's house, over time, the child becomes distracted."

early unrhythmic parenting can lead to a lack of control over yourself in adulthood.

how can children around the age of four begin to know how to wait and endure, so as to cultivate a sense of self-discipline?

buy toys for your children in a planned way

choose a relaxing weekend where parents can take their children to the mall to choose toys.

after the child has picked out, parents can say:

"this toy is beyond our plan. Do you know why Mom and Dad go to work every day?"

pay only once every 30 days. You need a plan to buy everything at home. You are a toy.It costs 120 yuan, but according to my mother's budget, we can only buy 100 yuan toys.

if we buy it home today, we won't have any money for food next week. "

"if mom works hard and works overtime this week, she can buy this toy home next weekend!"

parents can take this opportunity to make demands on their children, because you have to work overtime, you have to go to bed early, eat obediently, and pack your toys.

delaying gratification will make your child learn to wait and be patient.

in addition to buying toys, Professor Li Meijin suggests that after the child is three years old, parents can use the weekend to let their children sit at their desks and do something quietly, such as puzzles, painting and so on.

finish a painting for 10 minutes at the age of three and 20 minutes at the age of four. When the child goes to school at the age of six, he will be able to concentrate for 35 minutes in class.

from the age of five, children should gradually develop the ability of self-management and the ability to share with others.

at this time, parents should make proper use of temptation training to help their children develop such abilities.

how to cultivate children's self-management ability?

1. The temptation of chocolate

prepare a child's favorite snack, such as chocolate.

Design a game, divide the chocolate into three parts, take out two of them and say to your child:

"Baby, you can manage both of these chocolates. If you can eat one today and another tomorrow, your mother will reward you with an extra one tomorrow. "

in most cases, children have the right to decide for the first time, and most of them will eat two chocolates at once, so they will not get the third chocolate reward.

A month later, when playing the game for the second time, the child will learn the lesson, taste the chocolate according to the plan, and gradually develop the good habit of self-discipline.

tell your child, "this is your mother's test for you. Don't worry, learn to wait when you grow up."

2. Sharing on the dinner table

when I was a child, I always prepared tables, chairs, bowls and chopsticks before dinner, and only moved the chopsticks after the family members were seated.

Father works overtime and can't eat on time, so his mother will leave a separate meal for him with clean dishes.

the best fruits are also left to families who are not at home.

do little behaviors in parents' lives teach children how to share?

Children should take part in more sports activities from the age of four and cultivate hardships and stand hard work.

3. Hard-working in sports

running can exercise children's breathing and endurance, as well as their courage.

Children will be out of breath during running, and when they pass this stage, they will find that there is no adverse reaction. At this time, parents can tell their children that "this situation can also be encountered in life, it is very difficult to start work, and after persisting for a period of time," you will find that it is no more than that.

when a child learns to swim, he will be very scared and feel that he is going to die. Later, he will find that as long as he does not give up, he will certainly learn.

at this time, parents can tell their children that "everything will not come to the meeting, and this process is the process of controlling the outside world. We can't refuse to try because we are afraid."


12-18 years old personality upbringing

girls 12 years old, boys 14 years old, secondary sexual characteristics begin to develop, children enter puberty.

in the face of middle school students, parents should first change their concept of education, help their children grow up and respect their children's right to choose.

for example, after a child enters the second year of junior high school, parents can discuss their future career direction with their children and provide them with at least five future career options.

guide in the selection process, rather than rough "tube".

in the TV series "Youth pie", the protagonist Lin Miaomiao is a high school student in adolescence. Lin Miaomiao has an obvious advantage in liberal arts, but she is a mess in mathematics, physics and chemistry.

her mother forced her to pass all the subjects.

so how should parents guide their children when they have learning difficulties?

what about learning difficulties?

Professor Li Meijin's daughter did not do well in math in high school and found an excellent extracurricular teacher to make up for her lessons, but her daughter said bluntly that she didn't need to make up for math, so she might as well spend money on English and history.

out of respect for my daughter's opinion, the focus of tutoring was on the two subjects of English and history. Finally, my daughter's English score was improved by more than 50 points in the college entrance examination.

Children have the clearest awareness of themselves, give them the opportunity to express themselves, and respect their rhythm.

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the ignorant relationship between Lin Miaomiao and Qian Sanyi in Young Pi touches the hearts of both parents, allowing Pei Yin, who has always been steady, to go to the school to find the head teacher and Wang Shengnan.

this also reflects the tension and anxiety of parents of adolescent children about love problems.

so how to discuss the topic of love with children during puberty?

when her daughter was in junior high school, Li Meijin used the case of choosing clothes to teach her daughter how to establish a correct concept of love.

choosing clothes is like looking for a partner

once. Mother and daughter picked clothes in the mall and went to the first store. Her daughter took a fancy to a dress. Li Meijin encouraged her to look at other shops in addition to this dress. In the process of constantly shopping, her daughter found other preferred choices in the comparison.

Li Meijin took this opportunity to say:

my daughter suddenly realized and has developed a correct view of love ever since.

in addition to work, one should also have a healthy body, a beautiful family and a good life.Interpersonal relationships, etc., the more emotional children are, the happier they are. Don't force children to simply succeed.

parenting is an investment in the child's psychology, which is priceless.

it is a kind of invisible psychological capital and a great wealth in the future life for children to remember the voice, appearance and smell of the caregiver through input.