Beautiful morning light, accompany you to read.
I often hear people say, "fate is doomed."
people have already decided what kind of people they will meet, what kind of people they will know, fall in love with, stay with each other for the rest of their lives, and even how they are going to live after marriage.
what kind of family you have, what kind of marriage you have
I have seen on Zhihu that someone has asked such a question:
in the hundreds of answers under the question, people almost one-sidedly said, "Yes, it will have a decisive impact!"
among them, a man told a story about himself in a message.
he was born in a fairly happy family. His mother is a housewife who always takes good care of his family at home, while his father has a good job and earns a lot of money.
when he was a child, the family atmosphere was not bad, but when he was in junior high school, the company where his father worked suddenly went bankrupt.
after losing his job, my father repeatedly hit a brick wall when he was looking for a job, and he began to drink. After getting drunk, he quarreled with his mother and touched his hand several times.
since then, his home has been full of complaints, disputes and violence, and his mother's gentle face began to be full of sadness.
growing up in such an environment, he feared his father's violence while vexing his inability to protect his mother.
when he grew up, he also met his wife and had his own family.
but he was surprised to find that he, who should have hated violence, raised his hand high when he had conflicts with his wife many times, and his wife looked at him with more and more horror.
it turns out that growing up in a native family full of violence, he has already subconsciously learned to use violence to solve problems like his father.
and the relationship between him and his wife is in jeopardy because of his own hidden violence.
the environment can exert an imperceptible influence on a person, and the family members who live together from small to big have an immeasurable influence on a person.
my friend Xiaomi has been married for three years, but she still lives with her husband, and they often stick together.
everyone asked her why her husband wanted to be by her side.
she said she was surprised at first, too, until she saw her father-in-law and mother-in-law.
she went back to her parents-in-law's house for dinner with her husband and found that when her mother-in-law was cooking, her father-in-law would accompany her in the kitchen.
the old couple talk and laugh and seem to love each other very much.
after dinner, my parents-in-law will go out for a walk together, sometimes even holding hands.
Satya, a famous American family therapist, once said:
from these two stories, we can see the great influence of the original family on a person and even his marriage.
Children who grow up in loving families will also know how to love their partner in their own marriage and will solve all kinds of problems encountered in marriage in a calm and gentle way.
Children who grow up in families full of apathy and violence will become timid and negative in their relationships, thus filling their marriage with negative emotions.
what kind of marriage a person will have has long been doomed.
in the original family, the parents' mode of getting along with each other will be branded and follow him into his own marriage.
people with the same values will attract each other
some people say:
it is easy to fall in love because of facial features; it is not easy to get along with each other, because of values.
when two people's outlook on life and world outlook are too far apart, no matter how much they love each other, it is a castle in the air. As soon as it comes to real life, it will become a chicken feather.
and if two people have the same values, they can understand and help each other, not only get along with each other, but also give birth to a more stable and solid relationship in the long-term coexistence.
when you mention "Alibaba", everyone must think of Jack Ma.
but few people know about Zhang Ying, the woman standing behind Alibaba and Jack Ma.
Zhang Ying is Ma Yun's wife and college classmate.
after two people are together, they work hard and start a business together.
Zhang Ying once said:
"I have been in a state of panic for a long time after marriage because his accidents emerge one after another.
he suddenly resigned and said he wanted to start his own career, and then he opened a translation agency called Haibo in Hangzhou. The profit of the translation agency is 200 yuan a month, but the rent is 700.
in order to survive, he carried sacks to Yiwu and Guangzhou to buy goods, selling flowers, gifts, and clothing. He worked as a peddler for three years and kept a translation agency for three years.
later, he did the "China Yellow pages" and was blasted as a liar. "
finally, Ma Yun said to his wife that he wanted to pool 500000 yuan to build an e-commerce website, and he also wanted to bring his wife to join.
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Zhang Ying, on the other hand, has been silently supporting her husband's various ideas or decisions that "seem unreliable".
she also quit her job and founded Alibaba with Jack Ma.
at that time, during the day, Ma Yun led the group members to hold meetings, and Zhang Ying cooked for them in the kitchen; in the evening, Ma Yun led the group members to hold meetings, and Zhang Ying cooked midnight snacks for them in the kitchen.
in 2004, when Alibaba was about to be listed, Zhang Ying left all her glory to Jack Ma for the management and operation of the company. She chose to hide her merit and fame, and then withdrew silently.
for Jack Ma, Zhang Ying is not only a loving wife, but also an affectionate ally.
Yang Jiang once wrote such words to describe the relationship between husband and wife:
"husband and wife should be lifelong friends, and the most important thing between husband and wife is the friendship. Even if they are not bosom friends, they should at least be friends who can be partners or friends who respect each other.
A relationship between lovers rather than friends cannot last. Husband and wife are not enough friends, so they have no choice but to break up. "
to maintain a long-term relationship, it depends not only on the love of appearance, but also on the tacit understanding between thought and soul.
the fate of this world is attracted to each other, and all the encounters are doomed.
because people who share the same interests and values will eventually meet.
if you are in full bloom, the breeze will come from
a person's life, you will meet about 29.2 million people, the probability of two people knowing each other is only 5/10000000, and the probability of knowing each other is only 3/1000000000.
how can you determine who your "destiny" is?
in fact, the so-called "fate" can also be changed, and what kind of people you will meet depends entirely on your choice.
what kind of person you choose to be, you will have what kind of social circle, and it will also determine what kind of people around you.
so, instead of waiting for the beloved to come and waiting for a miracle to happen, it is better to make yourself good so that you can attract a better partner.
Guo Jingjing, the well-known Olympic diving champion, was born into a very ordinary family in Baoding, Hebei Province.
when her relationship with Huo Qigang, the son of a wealthy family, broke out, many people said that she "clung to a rich family" and wanted to fly to the branches to be a Phoenix.
but the media ignored that although the "diving queen" had no illustrious family, she was not an ordinary person.
as Guo Jingjing said:
later, Guo Jingjing went to England alone to study English and fashion design for half a year. After returning home, she continued to take classes at the School of Business Management of Renmin University. I studied accounting, marketing and stock.
Huo Qigang also said:
"Jingjing is like a treasure to me. At first, I liked her strong, calm, high EQ and champion halo, but for so long, I can always find something new in her that moves me."
A person's strength is always given by himself.
when you learn self-improvement and independence, people will admire and appreciate you;
when you learn self-respect and self-love, people will respect and cherish you.
only when you are good enough will there be better people around you to match.
click "watching". May you and I meet a loved one who will stay with us all our lives.
remember: "if you are in full bloom, the breeze will come!"